paz> peace

I'm feeling the pressure of being in the middle...of so many things. And it's due to feelings and anxieties I create inside of myself, not pressure from one side or another. It's something I do to myself when I remove God from the story of my life. It's like I unconsciously put on blinders and, all of the sudden, running away or choosing a side becomes so tempting.

And all that He really asks is that I trust Him...

So that He can use me in the process.

So that He can teach me.

So that I may become an instrument of His peace.

At the very least, that's my prayer.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury; pardon.
Where there is doubt; faith.
Where there is despair; hope.
Where there is darkness; light.
Where there is sadness; joy.

-Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Gratitude

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."

Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."
Matthew 26:26-28

He has modeled so much for us, including our actions on a day such as this.

It's so much more than a meal.

Or football.

Or even our family and friends.

Blessings...

Simon Peter

Before he was able to say this:

"Tabitha, arise." [Acts 9:36-42]

He needed to ask this:

“Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” [Matthew 14:22-33]

And shout this:

“Save me, Lord!” [Matthew 14:22-33]


This tells me a lot about my own heart.

About my true desire to believe and the hope that underlies it.

About God's grace -- in the form of patience and understanding -- in the midst of my questions.

And, most importantly, about the power of Christ that resides in me.

What does it say of your heart?

Awe

The world moves for love.
It kneels before it in awe.

All the world to see
Time to look about and know
How the shadows come and go
How the breeze stirs the trees
How the blossoms grow

Sleep, baby, sleep
Sleep, gently sleep

[Taken from The Village]

Joy!?!?

This photo makes me smile.

It makes me happy.

And dare I say.....it fills me with joy.

And the thing is, you probably have to know a little bit about the subject -- Thom Yorke (frontman of Radiohead) -- to fully appreciate the sheer child-like joy that exudes from his face. I mean, even the fact that he's riding a bike, just speaks of that innocence of our childhoods. You see, its the tension of the paradox here that speaks the loudest, for there is nothing about Radiohead's music (or Thom's recent solo effort) that speaks of happiness or joy. His music is best described as hauntingly beautiful, melodic art-rock whose lyrics float around that invisible line drawn in our souls that says: "Oh my word...this is just too real, yet at the same time, so overwhelmingly foreign."

And it's a good place to be at certain times in our lives

But its certainly no place to live.

Thom Yorke . Harrowdown Hill [Follow link to MP3]

I've been in this painting-funk for about the past 5 months where as soon I go to sketch something or actually put some acrylic on a stretched canvas, the joy of fully knowing the truth rears in beautiful head and this peace overtakes my need lay down the shadowy dark areas and emotions of my life.

And you might be thinking....Well then, paint the joy.

To which I would respond, I don't feel like it.

Maybe its because I think people would think I'm too run-of-the-mill for painting joy. Or maybe its because I think they wouldn't believe the joy I painted.

But I think what it really boils down to for me is this: There is something deep inside of me that yearns to bask in the dark places -- if only for just a period of time. In this case, just long enough to finish a painting.

But I can't live there. Even if I chose to.

For the Light fiercely pulls at my heart, even more so than the darkness.

And although that may sound like a trite answer, I'm almost certain I can't explain it any better.

Maybe I'll paint it someday.

Rockin' the mid-calfs

Okay...so for purposes of journalistic integrity, I usually don't take requests for the subject matter of my posts, but I got the following comment in my last post from my 2 1/2 year old niece:

"Kiaya says...how about me uncle troy...I wear my socks like you."

So how am I supposed to say no to this? I mean come on...she melts my heart. Thanks for rockin' the mid-calfs with me, Kiaya. I love you.

Faux-Hawk

Time to lighten things up around here!

You'll notice that my niece, Kiera, is now styling her hair like me! She would like to thank her mommy for her impeccable sense of style. She's definitely the coolest 5-month old I know. I love you Kiera.

And I'd like to thank my stylist, Michelle, for her skillz on my hair. And yes, I have a "stylist." She's an artist folks -- but instead of brushes, paint and canvas, she uses scissors, water and hair.

Ed. Note: For more information than you ever wanted to know about the faux-hawk hairstyle, try this link. But be pre-warned, it's 5 minutes of your life that you'll never get back!!

The Crossing...

I've spent many months building...

Building my support pylons;

And then carefully setting the deck in place.

It appeared safe.

And would have passed any man-made builiding specs.

But it never passed the test of my own heart.

So now I've a long bridge to cross;

but alas, I can see the other side.

And therein lies healing, redemption, purity,

and many more attributes that are of God.

A land free from condemnation.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." I John 3:18-20

The Omission of Love

It occurs to me that some of the greatest acts

of love are not acts, but rather omissions,

or actions that one chooses not to take.

My Desire

Father God,

I desire so many things in life.

So many things that are not of You.

So many things that further chain me to the vices You died to free me from.

And I have no idea why.

None whatsoever.

For my only true desire is to simply trust in You for a life that defies the gray in every sense of that phrase.

Amen.

Jeremy Camp . My Desire [Follow link to MP3]

A Year And A Day

So I've been in the blogging game for a year and a day now. At some point in early-October I started to think about what I'd do for my one year post. A bunch of stupid self-promotion ideas ran thru my head, until my better senses kicked in. And then one day it just hit me, after reading the following comment a friend of mine recently left in response to my Complete & Utter Randomness post:

Hey, I think this is one of your best posts. You should write about yourself more often! I know I totally write sagas, but you finally really shared something about you! Something that you like and something about where you came from.

The irony of this comment lies in a little “secret” about my blog posts – nearly all of them are about me. Most people probably can’t understand how they relate to me emotionally, but they are all very intentional. From the words, to the pictures, to the songs – they all tell my story. In the truest sense, it is a diary of my emotional life.

And therein lies my greatest piece of art – shrouded in the mystery of my own emotional outpourings, my reader is able to see their life more clearly through their own emotional reaction to what I’ve published. It isn’t about figuring out what a post means to me, but rather, what it means to you. For my readers, I sincerely pray that reading my blog has never been about checking off another post, but a time when you can sit quietly before God and contemplate your own calling in this life.

May you hear His voice...