Wonder...

“I have seen so many miracles in my lifetime. Never once in my life did I ask God for success or wisdom or power or fame. I asked for wonder, and He gave it to me.”
[Rabbi Joshua Abraham Heschel]

"I asked for wonder, and He gave it to me."

A philistine will stand before a Claude Monet painting and ask how much its worth; a person filled with wonder will stand there fighting back the tears.

A philistine will listen to a Mozart symphony and think about how uncomfortable the theatre chairs are; a person filled with wonder will discover something new about herself.

A philistine will sing every word of Amazing Grace and never once hear it’s message; a person filled with wonder will barely be able to get the words out between sobs.


So...here's my question: Why can't I love the philistines? Why do I harbor so much anger toward people who aren't wired like me? Is it because I want them to see the beauty in life so badly, or is it simply because I'm jealous of the pain they avoid?

[Internal] Struggle

I don't want to be a lawyer today.

I wanna be an uncle. I wanna hold my niece.

I wanna write and paint today, not be bothered about issuing closing instructions for a loan.

Today, my spirit yearns to be anywhere but behind this wooden desk with its neat little piles of items that have no eternal significance.

Today, I'm just a man searching for an out.

"Saved" by the Oracle

As it turns out, my oracle made the decision for me. Or, more precisely, helped me to understand why I needed to choose one path over the other. My Choice: Knowledge over ignorance. The Result: My senses have again been heightened and I now see life at a deeper level.

Entering the matrix...

I've never been closer than I am today. The difference -- that was a movie and what I'm living here is life.

Pondering Love

Next to the idea of God, love is probably the most expansive subject one could ponder. There are so many different types of love and so many different ways one could approach the subject. In fact, its probably the most overused and misunderstood word in the English language. And is there any other feeling that can bring so much joy and so much pain? So based on a song lyric, I've been thinking about the following...

If love is surrender
Then whose war is it anyway?

~Psychobabble, Frou Frou

On The Verge Of Burn Out

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking, and planning, and then thinking more. I'm tired of trying to figure out whether I'm living out the purest form of Christianity. And I don't want to blog about this. And I'm not looking for any scholarly responses. Is it too much to ask the Lord to simply allow me to bask in his grace for a time? Like taking a vacation in grace? I guess you could say I'm on the verge of burn out.

In my humanness, I've considered several possibilities that would give me the rest I seek. Like resigning from various leadership positions I hold, switching churches just to get away from the expectations of those who know and love me, and avoiding certain blogs and discussions with people who unwillingly "force" me to engage in such excercises.

And just when I'm about to give in to my human nature (and put into action some plan that I'll later regret), I'm reminded of God's call on my life, which is not my own. Most of the time, that takes the form of God speaking to me through encouragement from a close friend. Something like the following: "I am learning to lean into the the pain in my soul so that it can do its work of change, of death, of renewal. Anyways, don't give up. He is raising the dead in all of us."

So here's to sticking it out...Here's to good friends...Here's to a great God...Here's to bravery!